dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Text me some of your sweat
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
