if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
