It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
