My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
