All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
