Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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