i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry about my life...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
