at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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