Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
