I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
