Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Jerry, you need to find god
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
