Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
