im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
