someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
