You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
