my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
