i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
