South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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