So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
