I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
