I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
