His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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