Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
