so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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