im about as happy as oj after his trial
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
