who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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