I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
