We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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