Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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