i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
