sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
