This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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