so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
