He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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