Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Randomize
