Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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