if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
