I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
