why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
