I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
