those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
