You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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