If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
