i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
