I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
