i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
