i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
