I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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