Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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