he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
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I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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