May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
