We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
