Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
