dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.