4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one