Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available