That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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