some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
