break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ttyl tear gas
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize