I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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