i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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