She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
