Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
