I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
