How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
