his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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