here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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