wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
