Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
