I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
