Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
